Cyril Maithily Gupta's Blog

Farnham’s Freehold from Robert A Heinlein has upset me a little. Robert Heinlein finds it very hard to be uncontroversial I guess. He apparently wrote every book with a mission to show a different and not necessarily beautiful facet of this world.

It says on the cover of this book that it is science-fiction’s ‘Most controversial novel’. Most controversial? I don’t think it deserves that title, there have been others with more dangerous themes. But it certainly would have been very controversial in the 60s when it was written. But I think it was controversial for all the wrong reasons.

Back in the 60s when the black people of America had only just gained a better standing in the society, a novel like Farnham’s Freehold which turns racism head-over-heels would certainly cause a ruckus. After all which white person could come to terms with a society of black rulers who have mindless white slaves who they consider animals and have doctors called ‘vets’ to treat them. Heinlein’s concoction was a slap on the face to white-supremacists. It was a mirror of the most ugly sorts showing them what they were by exaggerating the treatment they mete out to blacks, only this time the recipients were white.

So it was controversial and it had more than a few people fuming and damning. But that’s not what got my goose. Living in India and in this millennia, I am a bit immune to color-racism, but living in India there is a different picture of family that I have. I think people totally missed that point. They totally didn’t bring family into picture when they struck up a controversy. The family portrayed in Heinlein’s book is more than dysfunctional, it’s a victim. It’s a victim of an overbearing, ego-maniacal, paranoid father figure who apparently doesn’t give a damn about the rest of the people in the family even though he pretends to think that he does. That guy is also the book’s protagonist.

Only in a Heinlein book can a protagonist be so vile, disgusting, selfish, uncaring, and totally get away with it. I didn’t feel much sympathy for the lead in the novel at all even though Heinlein made an effort to make him seem fair and just in many places. But that’s a useless sort of a complain, because why should anyone expect any lead character of any book to be a moral example?

Leaving the characters be, the most interesting aspect of the book is how it compares the contemporary civilization with a possible future, and how the customs and rituals of the imaginary civilization seem so horrific while our own savage and unfair practices can be easily ignored.

Going back two thousand years we are appalled at the savagery of human civilization. Heinlein makes you appalled at the savagery two thousand years on, while the people in the future of Heinlein’s book are just as appalled at ours.

Are you tired of seeing Robert Heinlein books reviews from me yet? Well, let me apologize now, but it’s not going to stop for quite a while. You see R A Heinelein wrote a lot of books, and I am not quitting until I’ve read the last one.

Not that I haven’t been reading other stuff. I also read half of The Lexus and the Olive Tree by Thomas Friedman, but I misplaced the copy in my home, and the jungle of books that I have, I can’t find it for the life of me. So I won’t be writing a review until i find the copy.

Meanwhile, here’s a double Heinlein treat for you:

Double Star by Robert Heinlein

I’ve said it before that Heinlein does not deal with the science of physics, but rather the science of the society and the person. Double Star deals with the latter. It’s a mind-scan of Lorenzo Smythe, an out of work actor who is hired/coerced to impersonate an out of action political figure.

Lorenzo is not your usual ham, he was trained to be a real ‘trouper’ by his now dead dad who wouldn’t have anything less than perfection from Lorenzo.

So Lorenzo might hate politics, have no respect for the policies of Bornforte and be an all-out xenophobe, yet when he begins to act like Bornforte, he becomes Bornforte. It becomes his best performance yet, and eventually he cannot distinguish his own self anymore.

The novel’s catchline says “Every stand-in dreamed of the starring role – but what actor would risk his life for the chance?”

Lorenzo risks his life and he does not lose it, but Lorenzo dies. Being Bornforte does not leave any room to be Lorenzo.

All through this book Lorenzo speaks out to you. You learn about his thoughts, motives, drives, passions, fears. It’s a most beautifully done first-person narrative, and the character is a treat. Of course Heinlein doesn’t leave politics alone either. The Martians or Venusians that humans are reluctant to award equal status to can be taken as a metaphor for a lot of things. The new District 9 is not any better at this.

Tunnel in the sky by Robert Heinlein

I am yet to be bored by Heinlein. I read Double Star within 24 hours of acquiring it and Tunnel in the sky within 18 hours of reading Double Star.

Tunnel in the sky is about Rod Walker, a teenager in a normally defunct family (now don’t ask me what that means) who is thought of not having what it takes to make it in a world which is all about adventure and seeking a life in new challenging planets.

In a high-school survival test Rod Walker is marooned on a distant planet full of unknown dangers and threatening beasts. His aim was to survive for only a week, but when the expected recall-signal fails to arrive Rod realizes he will be there forever.

The story describes how Rod survives, and helps many others also there for the test to survive. He learns to share, lead, follow, build, destroy, challenge, fight and give up. He plays his part in building a community that’s savage in their daily-routine but humane in their hearts.

He becomes the leader of that community and witnesses marriages, deaths and births. The group learns to survive major challenges and eventually reconcile themselves to their new lives, learning how to enjoy it. That’s when the rescue party arrives. But Rod doesn’t feel he can go home any more.

Civilization isn’t built in a day, and it certainly doesn’t evolve the way shown in Tunnel in the sky, but it takes people who sacrifice an innovate. The kind of people who are in this book.

The micro-society in the book is no different than a nation. Each individual can be related to a certain force working in our own society. Reading about how they work together and against each other in the book gives you a look at how our own world gets by.

This is certainly a book worth recommending though it gets a bit repetitive in the middle. You expect more action than there is. Heinlein also lets an important thread  (of the planet’s extinct civilization) unexplored which is very disappointing for a reader like me.

–

I’ve already ordered 2 more books from flipkart.com and they should be arriving in 2 weeks. It’s not a short wait for a book-crazy-maniac like  me but I think I ought to wait cause it certainly isn’t a good idea to spend all my money in a go buying all the books at once. Let me go broke one book at a time.

Meanwhile I’ve also read bits from The Clash of Civilizations And Remaking of The World Order by Samuel Harrington but I think The Lexus and the Olive Tree was a better book on the same topic. I ought to find it and finish it.

 Don’t read this book if you have eyebrows, because you’re going to raise them if you do. Heinlein in his days has caused quite a few controversies for his radical views about a lot of things that most of the world is traditional about. Things like religion, marriage, society, economy, and sex. How can you mention Heinlein and not talk about that.

I Will Fear No Evil is Heinlein’s ode to human sexuality. But it is not graphic and it is definitely not obscene and even without being these two things, this topic still manages to remain the single point agenda of this entire book. I’ve read several of Heinlein’s books and his radicalism filters through in all of them, but I didn’t expect even him to write something like this. So  yes, I was a little taken aback and since I have eyebrows (two of ‘em) I raised them quite a few times.

The premise is simple, a 90 year old filthy-rich (and filthy in other ways too) old tycoon gets his brain transplanted into a young woman’s body after she dies and then is caught in a giant mess of emotions about his/her identity and the carnal aspect of his body.

There is not much ‘science’ fiction in this book, but with Heinlein there never usually is. He deals in the future of the society, not technology and he’s a master when he does that.

In his day 30 years ago, he talked about many things which were taboo then and slowly they are and will be included in the mainstream. I guess Heinlein believed that deep-down everyone wants to be a liberal. He could be right.

This book is readable but I won’t hand it to a minor and I won’t hand it to someone who has not read Heinlein before. They could end up misunderstanding his message.

Read it only if you have faith in Heinlein.

Starship Troopers by Robert A Heinlein is a classic so popular that it is a required reading for any science fiction fan. This book has consistently made it to top ten of almost every sf book list ever conceived and for a reason. This is the original space military saga, everything else came later.

I’ve already watched the three starship trooper movies and I liked them because of their chic originality and their take on society, politics, religion and of course the startling concept of closed citizenship.

The book tells the story of one Johnnie Rico, a young lad who signs up in the army because it’s the cool thing to do, and because the girl he likes is signing up. The story maps the growth of Rico from a fresh recruit in training to a splendid soldier, an officer and then the commander of his platoon.

As Rico tells his story we learn about the times, the lives, the rules, the science, the conflicts and the issues in a society that is like ours and unlike ours in so many ways.

I’ve read three books from Heinlein till now: Friday, Stranger in a strange land and now Starship Troopers. In each one of the books Heinlein creates a new world, a very believable new world where the people are very real even though they think differently and they live by different rules.

That is why Heinlein’s books are so amazing. His future is not just about aliens, ships, planets, galaxies, it’s also about evolving societies and truthfully that’s what he is concerned about the most, the rest just a facade to make the analysis look good.

In this book it was the idea of a closed franchise, where citizenship and the right to elect and govern was not given to you at birth. It had to be earned. Before you could vote or stand for office you had to prove you were ready to make the ultimate sacrifice for Earth if needed.

Heinlein brought out all the glaring failures in our system that gives the election franchise to all and sundry without checking whether they are fit morally or mentally to elect the right leader.

The world that Heinlein concocts in this book has found a solution, but there are new questions.

Read the book, it’s by R A Heinlein.

I’ve been tagged for the 5-56 Meme by Dr. Arvind Mishra of Indian Science Fiction. The rules of the 5-56 Meme are simple. You must select 10 books from any particular genre and transcribe the 5th sentence from the 56th page of each book. Here’s my 5-56-10 .

1. “What? Look, Miss Boardman, I popped off without thinking. I apologize.”

2. “No dog did this.”

3. “It’s quite a chunk of money.”

4. “It wasn’t just the wind; someone was scratching at his tent.”

5. “Buried enough so that the Plathys can’t find them easily.”

6. “Suppose we take a hundred in which to establish ourselves here, to multiply, to build a cluster of Settlements that will be strong enough and stable enough to be secure.”

7. “You do look like you’re dressed for a wedding, but you… married?”

8. “Every scrap of code, every disk, every notebook.”

9. “Corliss is about to graduate, and the rest of the kids won’t like missing the tail end of the school year, and if they do, I don’t.”

10. “And later… yes, later – A warm bed with a gentle companion sensitive to her needs as she was sensitive to his.”

The books are.

1. Stranger in a strange land – Robert A. Heinlein.
2. Legacy of Heorot –Jerry Pournelle, Larry Niven.
3. Friday – Robert A. Heinlein
4. The call of Earth – Orson Scott Card
5. Dealing in Futures – Joe Haldeman
6. Nemesis – Isaac Asimov
7. Star Trek (Genesis Force) – John Vornholt
8. Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency – Douglas Adams
9. Footfall – Jerry Pournelle, Larry Niven
10. Chapterhouse Dune – Frank Herbert

These books are not in any particular order. Nor are they choicest of my collection (save for Stranger in a strange land, which I consider a masterpiece among masterpieces). I just went through my shelves, randomly picking up titles that attracted my eye.

I tag Shruti, my wife, who has radically different taste in books to write the next 5-56 meme. Knowing her preferences, it has to be literary novels.

"Once in a thousand years he’s born;
A sign, a warning, an evil omen.
He’ll arrive like a storm from the horizon;
And drink the blood of a million men."

Here I lie in my cell. A lonely, defeated and humiliated mass of flesh, looking forward to death more eagerly than I ever looked to life. For propelled by ambition I became the ultimate destroyer of men, someone that would make even death pale in comparison.

When they took me out for my walk yesterday I saw the remains of the metropolis that was once New Delhi, my hometown. For miles and miles on a stretch the only thing visible was a dark giant pile of concrete and steel, electricity crackling here and there, sending sparks running from the Earth to the sky.

The world has become a graveyard, filled with innumerous dead rotting bodies, and some that are still alive but will be soon dead and rotting.

And it’s all because of me.

***

It began on the most beautiful day of my life. One of those rare days at the end of the winter when the sun shines brightly, but the wind is still cool and refreshing, a day that I wouldn’t have traded for an eternal life in heaven. ‘Today is the day that time will never forget.’ I thought as I walked briskly in the university’s wide corridor.

Born of a Swiss mother, I was almost as illustrious a scientist as my Indian father. I nodded to a couple of research students who stood in the corridor, gaping at me with awe. I fully deserved that kind of treatment. At the young age of 36, I headed the physics department of my university, a post I earned by virtue of my tireless and groundbreaking work on the structure of sub-atomic particles. I had shot to fame with my very first paper in the Science journal; praise and recognition flowed in by the gallon. But even then I knew I was made for even bigger things.

As I got into the elevator for the upper levels, I thought about the last few years. They had been full of struggle. Thanks to the initial euphoria over my newfound status as a world known scientist, I had secured the government grant needed to build the lab for my dream project, but the money flow was squeezed a little while later, even when I revealed the nature and the sensitivity of my work to the regime. I had to literally become a marketing man to convince the government to keep funding me.

‘Not the right job for a scientist. Takes away the concentration from my research.’ I Thought as I patted my golden Matiz. I loved my car. ‘It is almost irrational. How I substitute materialistic possessions like my car and my computer for real live family members. If people knew I had names for them, they’d put me in a loony bin. I would look great as a mad scientist.’ I laughed at my own thoughts. My parents were dead by the time I was 24, I was the only child and marriage never occurred to me. I lived a luxurious but quite life in my 2 room flat in the heart of town.

As I drove my car, I felt on top of the world. All those laborious days and sleepless nights had finally borne fruit. For the first time I had concluded my experiment successfully. I had transported instantaneously a sugar cube to the other end of the room without carrying it. The prototype of the ‘Transponder’ was ready and I was on my way to meet the Prime Minister to disclose the full details to him.

I dreamed of my invention as I drove to the Prime Minister’s house. The transponder was a device from the realm of science fiction, something that would change the way the world functions. It was a discovery as big as the wheel, and maybe ten times more important.

Getting into the Prime Minister’s home was no problem, the security check was done and over in 2 minutes. Apparently, they were expecting me. I was guided to an office deep inside the palatial building. The PM sat behind a huge rosewood desk talking animatedly with his young aide, the communications minister. He gestured me to sit and continued his conversation.

The Prime Minister was an old man, his face crisscrossed with wrinkles, reflecting the enormous responsibility and the years he carried.

I was a bit surprised to see the communications minister there, this was top secret material, nobody but the PM knew the full details of the nature of my research.

"So Mr. Ronald Khosla, you bring us good news eh?" Said the Prime Minister in his trademark style.

"Please call me Ronald sir, but this is more than just a good news, it’s a revolution."

"Really? I expect you have achieved full success then. The government has poured a lot of money in your project."

"Nothing less than that. I’d be glad to reveal the details to you. If…" I  glanced at the communications minister.

The Prime Minister stared at me quizzically, then suddenly realized what I was implying. "Oh! I expect you already know Prakash Mittal, our communications minister and my nominated successor. He has full security clearance. You don’t have to hold back anything. Please go on."

"In that case, let me begin." I said, and told my story.

The PM and his aide were no men of science, and I knew I had to begin from the scratch. "I expect you already know that all matter in the universe is composed of atoms, which in turn are made up of sub atomic particles. This is true for in-animate objects, like this desk, and even for living organisms like us."

"I am sure you must have heard about Einstein’s relativity theory that suggests that matter in its native form cannot travel faster than light or even at near lightspeed." I gave a dramatic pause and stood up. "That is, if you do it conventionally."

They were staring at me with rapt attention as I walked to the center of the room. "My method, you see, breaks the tradition a bit." I took out the sugar cube that I had transported earlier. "See this cube? A normal vehicle carrying this would need energy to propel it from one place to another, the transponder however, does the same thing by converting the cube itself into energy." I looked at them for reaction but there was none so I continued.

"Matter cannot travel as fast as light, but energy can, and I’ve found a way to convert matter into energy and back into matter. My transponder actually converts matter into a new type of sub atomic particle that I call ‘Minuton’, beams it safely anywhere, and assembles it back into solid matter in an instant. The device works principally by using an anti-electro magnetic beam to…"

My speech was cut short by the sound of applause. The PM and his aide were clapping loudly, their faces radiating with smiles. "You don’t have to go into technical details Ron. I won’t understand a thing. Congratulations on your achievement, your discovery will make our country the greatest nation on Earth. I would like to see a demonstration immediately."

"That can be arranged."

The PM visited my laboratory with his full security regalia for the demo, this time I transported a kettle filled with tea instead of the sugar cube. I felt at the top of the world for the second time that day when I saw his eyes go wide when the kettle slowly appeared at the end of the room.

"Can you build a man sized transponder?" Asked the PM when the demo was over.

"I can make them bigger, as big as you want. Big enough to transport heavy machinery, there’s no limit to the size, and there are no major extra costs." I said.

"Brilliant! In that case we shall arrange to put your discovery in production immediately."

The communications minister was staring at the device with a lost look on his device, suddenly he turned to me and said. "Ron have you told anyone about this?"

"No. Not yet." I said.

"You do understand how sensitive and explosive this development
is. We wouldn’t want this going into any other country’s hands, would we?"

"Definitely not." I could guess what he was hinting at.

"Right. Ron, I want you to keep this a complete secret, tell no one that your research is successful until you get clearance from the PM’s office. Not even family members."

"I don’t have a family. You don’t have to worry Mr. Mittal, I love my country as much as you do. I would do nothing that would harm its interest." I was quite piqued by the attack at my sincerity.

"Oh no! I did not mean that. No one can doubt your patriotism. I am sorry if you thought that. I was just telling you about the sensitivity of the matter, that is all." He shifted uneasily in his chair.

"Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind sir." I said in my iciest tone possible. His discomfort made me feel a lot better.

The PM sensed the tension in the air and rose. "We must leave now Ron, but before going, I am glad to appoint you the acting head of the Science Research Organization. You can shift your laboratory there and work with the other great minds of our country."

Everyone in the room shook hands with me and congratulated me for becoming the head of the country’s most prestigious research organization. It was a dream come true.

Suddenly the PM spoke again. "Oh yeah. One more thing Ron. I would like you to submit your complete research documents to my office. I need to get a technical viability check done."

"Of course. I have everything ready, I will submit them by tomorrow."

***

I shifted to SRO the very next day. My spacious office, the giant library and the excellent facilities available in the lab kept me busy. I went about my new job with enthusiasm of a newcomer, talking to our greatest scientists, exchanging views on the quantum theory, and refining the existing facilities of the lab to make them even better. I hardly noticed anything was wrong until one day it suddenly occurred to me.

A complete two months has passed since I had first shown the demonstration to the PM, and there had been no communication about further production of the Transponder. I decided to find out what was happening. I called up the PM on the number he had given me, but he was in an important meeting, his secretary promised to pass on the message as soon as he came back.

I waited for an entire day for the call, then suddenly I remembered the communications minister. He was with the PM all the time. I dialed his number, He picked the phone himself.

"Hi, this is Ronald Khosla. Do you remember me?" I asked.

"Ron." He laughed. "What a question. Who can forget you, you’re the greatest scientist alive."

"Uh. Thanks. Well, it’s been many days and I was wondering what happened to the scheme to mass produce the Transponder."

"Oh, these are official matters Ron. Delays happen. There are lots of things to do, patents, registrations, technical viability research, training, but don’t you worry, I have people working on it."

"Any idea how long it will take?" The red tape was beginning to bother me.

"I do not really know Ron, Maybe a few more days. I will keep you updated." He said and hung up.

I spent the next month puzzling over the government’s apparent lack of interest in the Transponder Project. The communications minister never called back, and my calls to the PM’s office still went un-answered. By the end of the month I realized something was seriously wrong and went into the grip of a strong paranoia. I was afraid they were trying to steal my invention from me.

I tried one last desperate call to the PM’s office.

"I am sorry, he’s busy. I’ll ask him to call you back when he’s free." The man on the phone gave me the standard brush off, but I wasn’t buying it this time.

"Look mister, this is the fifth time I am calling this week. Did you tell the PM I called?"

"I told you, he’ll call you when he’s free." He said in a stony voice, he was trying to intimidate me.

I felt my blood boiling with rage. "Is that so? Well pray he’s free soon, because this is a matter of national security. If he doesn’t answer my call, our country is going to loose the biggest discovery of the millennia to some over-industrialized western nation that doesn’t even deserve it."

There was a moment of silence. Then, "I’ll see what I can do" said the voice and hung up.

Five minutes later I was talking to the PM.

"Hi Mr. Khosla, I just got your message. I have been a bit busy so couldn’t talk to you earlier, but believe me it was your project that I was busy with." He said even before I could say hello.

"That’s alright sir. I just wish that you had kept me informed." I said, feeling apologetic for my earlier behavior.

"We can correct that now. This evening I am organizing a meeting with some of the country’s best economists and defense experts about the Transponder, Would you care to attend?"

‘Would I care to attend? Does an otter have teeth?’ I thought as I murmured a polite yes.

"Be at my office at 7 sharp then. The meeting begins at 7.30, but I need to get a word with you."

***

The three hours I spent waiting for the meet were the longest three hours of my life. I reached the PM’s office at 7 to the dot, and was promptly led into his room.

"Ah. Ron, have a seat please." He was not being formal, a good sign. "Before we attend that meeting, I need to tell you something. There are some problems putting the Transponder in production." He could have hit me with a sledgehammer and it would have hurt a lot less.

"What sort of problems? I did a complete research, all the components are available easily." I stammered after I got over the initial shock.

"It’s not the actual production I am talking about. You see… some of the experts I consulted have expressed apprehensions over mass production of the Transponder. They say it will be a very dangerous move."

"Whaaa.. Do you mean? What sort of experts are these?" I was amazed someone could call such a discovery dangerous.

"We’ll be meeting them right now. I suggest you regain your composure until at least you’ve heard them out."

I went to the meeting with fear in my heart and rage in my soul. Apart from the PM and the communications minister, there were two other men in the room, one of them wore a general’s uniform and the other I recognized, he was Ratikant Basu, the country’s most famous economist. I was literally ready to tear apart the first man who dared to question the viability of my project, but I decided to wait until I had heard the so called ‘experts’ speak.

"Undoubtedly the Transponder is a great invention that will revolutionize travel, but it’s effect on the world’s economy is going to be disastrous." Ratikant Basu started. "My analysis suggests that the launch of the transponder will cause world’s most severe recession that will last for not less than 120 years, during this period almost all the major industries will be ruined permanently and un-employment rates will be well over 80 per cent. There will be no improvement unless the population of Earth falls below 4 billion from the present 6 billion."

"This is pure shit. You are talking out of your head. Where the hell did you get these figures." I yelled unable to control my rage.

"Pardon me Mr. Khosla, but with all due respect, our methods of research are just as scientific as yours.” Basu glared at me. “Have you ever tried questioning what powers the world’s economy…? It is the lack of contact between the buyer and the producer. Do you understand? No? Let me try and make it clearer."

"Everyt
hing that is purchased by a consumer is made by a manufacturer, but it is impossible for the manufacturer to sell directly to the consumer due to the distance and lack of communication between them. The importer, the distributor, the dealer and the store-owner, they all make their living from a commodity before it reaches you, by providing you only one service, getting you what you need. Then there are ancillaries like transporters and packagers who make a living transporting material."

"Now imagine a world with the Transponder. Everything that you wish to buy is suddenly available right to your home direct from the manufacturer curtsy the Transponder. Just dial the correct number. You could reach any factory in an instant, it doesn’t matter if he’s located in south east China, the jungles of Africa or the north-pole."

"Between the factory and your home about 5 families will loose their living to the transponder. It would have already killed the transport industry irrecoverably. Rail, airlines, road transport, everything dead because nobody would need them anymore. It will also kill the regional or small time manufacturers that exist solely because of the extra cost and time needed to transport material from a distant manufacturer. About 1.5 billion people who work with non-manufacturers will loose their jobs, and the amount of revenue loss, it will run into trillions. "

"The government would loose revenue too. There will be no longer any control over import and exports. No import duties possible, no custom duties applicable because goods will be transported direct to home and government wouldn’t be able to monitor them. 120 years is a conservative estimate Mr. Khosla, sometimes I fear that humanity may never be able to recover from that recession if it happens?” Basu sighed and stopped speaking.

I was stupefied for a long while. "This can’t be true, can it?"

"I am afraid we’ve got more bad news for you Ron." This was the PM. "General Baljinder Singh Rathore has yet to present his analysis."

"With your permission sir." Said the General and stood up.

"Mr. Basu presented the economic side of the Transponder admirably. I will present a different perspective. The effect of the transponder on the security of our nation."

"As Mr. Basu said, unemployment will increase sharply with the introduction of the Transponder unit. This will be the basis of the security threat we foresee. Have you noticed how quickly pople hit the streets in response to a slight cut in salary or even a delay in raise? Economic pressures of the kind brought by the Transponder will cause a public backlash unforeseen ever in the world. We have all witnessed the rioting and looting that followed the bankruptcy of Argentina, after transponder, you can expect a similar reaction multiplied some 100 times.”

I found myself unable to utter a protest this time.

“The newly unemployed people will take to the streets, they will organize strikes, rallies and marches and quickly graduate to rioting. According to the figures that Mr. Basu gave me more than one-third of our country’s working population will loose its job and when that a mob of that size starts rioting, it will be impossible to control. Even if we succeed in imposing a curfew, it will close down the industries that are still working, causing a chain reaction that will kill the entire economy."

Unable to hear my biggest achievement torn to shreds so terribly I closed my mind, withdrawing, unaware of the universe.

"Ron! Ron!" I woke to the Prime Minister speaking my name. He was shaking my shoulder and had concern written all over his wrinkled face. "Are you alright?"

"Yes. I am fine now." I managed to say. I composed myself. "Well then gentlemen, I understand that the party is over. We will not be producing the Transponder."

"Who said that?" Spoke all the 4 people at once.

“What? I… I don’t understand. What is the meaning of all this then.”

Ratikant Basu spoke again. “We were merely presenting the foreseen sequence of events once the Transponder is mass produced. We haven’t told you we won’t be mass producing it.”

“You have foreseen a calamity, the total destruction of civilization. How can you even think of mass producing the Transponder in such a situation.”

“I am afraid we do not have an alternative Mr. Khosla.”

“What do you mean?” I demanded.

“By inventing the Transponder device, you have proved that it is possible. If we refuse to acknowledge its existence now, it’s quite conceivable that in future some other country will discover it, and might not be as reluctant to mass produce it.”

“You mean?”

“If some other country invents the Transponder, our destruction will be more assured than if we ourselves invent it.”

“That doesn’t give us an excuse to make this device. Why should we become the destroyers of the world? I will not work on the mass production of the Transponder.” I surprised at how quickly I had become strongest critic of the Transponder from the biggest supporter.

“You are a scientist Ronald. Look at this from another angle.” Basu was clearly making a plea now. “Knowledge cannot be suppressed forever. It is inevitable that the Transponder will be discovered and resulting destruction will happen. You will not be able to stop it then. But After a while, no matter how long a while it is, people will adapt, civilization will adjust itself to the Transponder and humanity will be back on its track.”

“But why now? Why me?” I spoke, more to myself than the others.

“Don’t be numbed by self pity Khosla.” Said Basu sharply. “You’ve done us a great favor by inventing Transponder before anyone else. We are in a position of advantage over the rest of the world.”

The prime minister spoke up. “We are in a tough spot Ron, if we make the Transponder we become the destroyers of civilization, if we don’t, we’ll be the victims. Events leave us no choice but to proceed?”

“Besides, we have a plan.” Said the General suddenly lighting up. “There is no way that we can stop the economical and the cultural shakedown that will happen. However, we are in a position to mold things such that the world sustains the crisis with minimum damage. Mr. Basu has calculated that if our plan works the world will be back on the path to progress in 25 years. We’ll be alive to see it Mr. Khosla.”

“How is that possible?” I asked.

“With a regime of strict control.” The General’s expression hardened. “We’ll have to unite the entire world under a single government.”

I was horrified. “You are talking about…”

“World domination.” The General’s voice was stern. “Nothing less will do.”

“This is crazy. I will not be a part of this.” I almost shouted.”

“You already are Ron. There’s no way you can avoid that. The cat is out of its bag, and this cat is a tiger.” said the Prime Minister, and that was it.

***

So I decided what was best for the world, and offered the prime minister all assistance in saving it from imminent destruction. The plan was simple, bring the entire world under one order to prevent wars between countries, and establish a very strong disciplinary force to keep rioters in check, meanwhile establish efficient public welfare agencies to prevent poverty.

We waited for 15 more days while the strategy was given finishing touches and preparatory measures were made.

Finally on exactly three and a half months from the day I discovered the Transponder we told the world about its discovery and that the first pair was in place already, transporting people from Delhi to Mumbai. The whole world immediately went into an euphoric cheer that I witnessed from my drawing room on th
e TV. They were calling me the greatest scientist ever borne.

I was invited to conferences, made a fellow of every scientific society on the planet, and nominated for the Nobel Prize that everybody knew I was sure to get. Every detail about my past was dug up and people read about my boring life as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. I had found the fame I had longed for, but I wasn’t excited. All I wanted to do was go back to the quite and peaceful days when I was still unknown.

The government had already taken a patent on the Transponder on my name, and was charging other countries colossal sums to sell them Transponder units. They kept the units on short supply, and put other countries on allocation, nudging up the price further, and ensuring that no country got enough units to effect its economy badly.

Inside our country laboratories were being established and scientists worked relentlessly on perfecting arms and ammunition. The army started a recruitment program on war footing, and soon new training camps sprung up all over India, filled with excited new recruits.

With exclusive rights to the Transponder, the government’s clout in the world politics went up sharply, no country wanted its supply of Transponder units suddenly stopped, so no one objected even when the government started purchasing weapons and war machines by the thousands. Several countries even offered to supply arms in exchange for the transponder units.

In a very short while, the government had the largest and the best-equipped army of the world, we had guns from Israel, rockets from China, submarines from Russia, tanks from Germany and fighter planes from USA. The world had given the instruments of its own defeat willingly.

***

It was 12 months from the invention of Transponder, we were sitting in an emergency meeting called by the Prime Minister. The cast was same as earlier, me, the general, the economist and Prakash Mittal. Only the Prime Minister spoke.

“Gentlemen, the time has come. We have reached the culmination point of all our efforts. As I speak our soldiers are busy pulling a coup in 23 leading nation of the world, if everything goes according to the plan, we will have achieved the biggest political coup of the world with virtually no bloodshed.”

“What? But how?” I was truly astonished at the pace with which things were moving.
Everyone in the room smiled, then the Prime Minister spoke again. “It was easy Ron, in every Transponder unit around the world, we have installed a tiny component that monitors and regulates traffic so we know where each Transponder unit is. I had earlier taken the liberty of gifting each leader of the world his very own personal Transponder unit, and right now our soldiers are arriving at target destinations using the locations of very same Transponders as co-ordinates.” The Prime Minister looked at his watch. “We should be getting a detailed report in exactly five minutes.”

“So this is where it all ends.” I said.

“No Ron actually, this is where it all begins.” Said the Prime Minister.

The next five minutes were spent in absolute silence, broken occasionally when one of the men shuffled in his chair. The Prime Minister sat with his hands placed palm down on the table, concentrating on his fingernails. I was bursting to speak, but the silence choked the words in my throat.

Suddenly a door opened and the Prime Minister looked up. “General Bedi, what news have you brought.” The General walked inside, he was a tall, muscular man, with an impressive personality. You could tell he belonged to the army with a single look at him.

“Our mission is partly successful sir, all nations except three have surrendered, and we will be going to war with them. I have already set the forces on alert, we have the surprise on our side, it shouldn’t be a long war.”

“I am glad to hear that, take extreme precautions General, if we make a mistake, we will have to pay dearly.”

“We will make it sir, we are prepared for this moment.” He paused for a moment. “The nukes are deployed and waiting for your orders sir.”

“Nukes? Did you say nukes?” A nuclear attack was the last thing I could wish for in this war.

The Prime Minister turned to General Bedi as if he had heard nothing, “You may go ahead with the plan General.”

The General saluted smartly and left the room. I lost my voice for a little while, and when it came out it was only a croak. “What are you going to do.”

“Just making sure we are not defeated.”

“You will not drop the nukes will you?”

“I am sorry Ron, but this is the way it has to be. We are going to nuke Islamabad, and some nuclear sites of Pakistan.”

“What? You can’t do this you monster, you will kill millions of people.” I was too angry to control myself.

Everyone in the room looked at me with a horrified expression but nobody spoke. The PM looked hurt, he sighed and began “I am not a monster Ron. These nukes have very small payloads, just enough to wipe out the targets. I am afraid some people will die, but we will save a lot of other people who would have died later if we didn’t do this.”

“But why nuke?”

“Consider this life insurance Ron. Only 8 countries in the world have nuclear weapons and everybody is aware of the terrible destruction that a nuke can cause. By using our nukes we would show the world that we are prepared to go to any extent, this will at least frighten the smaller countries into submission.”

“I don’t agree with your reasons. Nukes are too dangerous to be used, even in a war situation. I demand that you stop this immediately, like right now.” I stood up and shouted at the top of my voice.

Nobody seemed to agree with me.

***

They’ve placed me under arrest. I am not allowed to go out or meet anyone, but they’ve allowed me access to the newspaper and the TV. Now I am only a mute spectator to the ongoing drama.

Our nukes killed thousands of people, but they achieved the Prime Minister’s objectives only partly. Several countries surrendered when threatened with a nuke, Russia joined us as an ally willingly when told of the purpose, and we managed to capture nuclear sites of all other countries using the Transponder to beam soldiers directly to them, but several countries became even more determined to struggle against what they termed neo-imperialism. 

With our large army and weapons the soldiers are advancing slowly, capturing new lands as they reach them, but it’s taking time, more time than the government expected. Meanwhile resisting aircrafts bomb India daily, some come even as far as New Delhi, but they return defeated every time, for the army uses the Transponders to beam soldiers directly into the aircrafts, who destroy them, or worse capture them and use them against the enemy itself.

The Transponders units sold to the rest of the world have stopped working, tipping the scales on our side, the enemy never knows when a group of soldiers will materialize out of the thin air and blast them to pieces, they live in terror.

Yes, we are winning this war, but the prize is not what we wanted. By the time we finish this war, the world will be a broken place, filled with zombies who will live in fear, without a shred of hope or optimism in their heart. It will be a long time before anybody even thinks of progress in this place.

The resisting forces call the transponder ‘Mankind’s Last Invention’ for it is their belief that by the end of this war there will be no men left to invent anything. I am content to be a prisoner. It is a price that I am willing to pay for doing what I did.

The End

Every sci-fi fan has heard of the gala conventions held in the US. About the author visits, and the discussions among science fiction enthusiasts. It’s an SF lover’s dream to attend such a gathering of like-minded people and discuss things like cyborgs, ftl space, and alien races with people without being classified as totally crazy. Well, a start has been made, and of all places, in Varanasi.

The ‘First Ever National Discussion Science Ficton: Past, Present, Future’ is being held in Varanasi from November 10-14, 2008. The event, jointly organised by National Council of Science & Technology Communication, Indian Science Fiction Writer’s Association, and the Indian association of Science Fiction Studies will bring together science fiction writers and enthusiasts from all over India, and the world.

If you’re a serious lover of science fiction, and can manage to take out 4 days from your schedule in November, this is the place to be. Be there, and play a role in the beginning of a new revolution in science fiction in India.

Here’s the link to the blog of Mr. Arvind Mishra, a huge fan of science fiction, and the person who’s playing an important role in organising this event. You can find more information about the event here.

Some writers work the best when they are away from their world, at a holiday spot, left alone with their laptops, pecking away furiously. They come home gloriously with a finished manuscript two weeks later. Unfortunately I am not one of them, and to add to the misfortune I realized it only this week, when I was already here.
My dome of polished perfection- that’s what my wife calls my bald head- has quit on me before, but not this severely. Tired of whacking uselessly at the keyboard, I decided to get myself an extra large helping of the evil Mochaccino they brewed up at the comfy little coffee shop I had found during one of my walks.
Engrossed in one of those sloppy 20th century thriller novels that I had begun to love, I was taking contented swigs from my mug.
“Do you mind if I sit here?” The voice came from above. I looked up and saw a smiling female face. She slipped down into the couch in front of me without waiting for the reply.
“I am sorry, but I just can’t have a coffee alone. Force of habit I guess. I have always lived around a lot of people.”
I noticed she was holding a mug like mine in her hands. Then I looked at her more closely and noticed that she was really attractive. Not lovely like a movie star, but with a strong magnetic force that lasts much longer. She was dressed casually, in a frilly white shirt and a pair of white trousers.
She must have seen a back-off sign in my lack of response while I was busy watching her, “You don’t mind? Do you?” She asked hastily.
“No, no. Not at all. I was just wondering how could a member of the fairer sex be alone in Goa. Are you a writer too like me?”
She laughed and shrugged. “I am re-discovering myself. Taking a sabbatical, not just from work but everything.”
I smiled secretly. She could be one of those bored housewives on a trip away from her husband and kids. Goa is a magnet for all sorts of people. I wondered if I was really the type who would interest her.
“Is it any good?”
Startled, I could only produce a questioning, “Huh?”
“The book.”
I grinned and tried to hide it under my palms without being too obvious. Popular writers aren’t supposed to be caught reading pulp-fiction, even when they are living incognito in Goa.
“Philo Gubb?”
Too late. I removed my hands still grinning. “Yeah. I’ve been reading Ellis Parker since I was a teenager.”
“That long, eh?”
I was only slightly offended. She couldn’t have guessed how old I really was. A bald head may shine out in a crowd, but it surely shaves off several years.
“Do you only read mysteries, or do you also write them?”
“Oh no. Nothing of that sort. I am a technical writer. My books are about computer programming,” I lied, but only partly, because I really did write computer books when I needed money. She laughed. A good throaty laughter. Not trying to subdue it like most women do.
“I can’t blame you for liking Philo Gubb then. Programming can’t be very interesting. Why don’t you write a story?” She paused and leaned towards me confidentially. “What if I tell you a really interesting story for you to write?”
Normally that line would have meant the end of a conversation for me. But that day I was in the mood to squander away my time.
“OK. Sure. I will give you a share of the paycheck,” I replied.
She laughed her throaty laugh again. “No thanks. You can keep it. I just wanted to tell it to someone.”
She picked a copy of the day’s Times of India from the newspaper rack and pushed it towards me.
“Read this news?”
“Which one?”
She tapped on the newspaper. “This one- about Dr. Heads.”
‘Dr. Heads’ was the name given to Dr. Orrell Lake, arguably the best biological scientist of the time. He had made some really amazing claims, bordering, according to many, on fantasies. About a week ago his lab’s janitor had found him in his chair, dead. There was no sign of foul play and the doctors concluded he had died an elegant, peaceful death, possibly of heart failure. He wasn’t too old, but the ticker works in mysterious ways.
She interrupted my thoughts.
“Do you know why he’s called Dr. Heads?”
I tried to sound indignant. “I do watch the television you know.”
She didn’t even notice the sarcasm. “Great! I was in his research team.”
I lost my skepticism instantly. If there was ever a story worth telling, she had it. “What’s your specialty?” I asked her.
“Psychology.” She looked at me expectantly.
“No. I am not surprised,” I said. I had been following Dr. Heads’ work closely enough to know that a psychologist would be vital to his team. Dr. Heads was a biologist, but his current research needed experts from several different fields. Maybe that’s why it was that expensive.
There was only thing about the Dr. that I wished to know, “Did he really achieve direct information transfer to the brain?”
“Why? You want the entire Wikipedia fed to your brain?”
I realized she wasn’t the type of girl who could answer a straight question.
“Okay… Suppose I wanted that. Could the Dr. do it?”
Suddenly her eyes stopped laughing. “No, I don’t think he could.”
I smiled at that. “I guess he was bluffing after all.”
I wasn’t alone, who thought so. Almost everybody who heard doctor Lake’s claim on national television that he was aiming to build a device that would record information directly to the brain rejected it as a bluff. You have to learn things to put them in your brain. Connecting your brain to a couple of electrodes, and emerging a genius ten minutes later is something that science-fiction writers write about. I know. I am one.
“You believe he was a fraud?” Her voice had an accusing note.
“Maybe not,” I shrugged. “A little too cocksure maybe.”
“You wouldn’t say that if you knew doctor Lake.”
“You seem like a big fan of his,” I was enjoying baiting her.
“I know how much he achieved,” she replied.
I sipped at my coffee while I thought of the right thing to say. A moment of silence had crept between us. She seemed upset enough to walk away as soon as she finished her coffee, but my curiosity was aroused and I didn’t want her to leave anymore.
“He was definitely very brilliant.” I told her. “I wonder if he could really have done it if he had lived.”
“If he had any support from the right people, he would have done it by now,” she had a bitter edge to her voice.
“How far do you reckon he was from success?” I asked her.
“Nearer than you can imagine. Much nearer.”
That was news to me. I put my mug down and smiled. “You think so? Did he show you a demo?”
She leaned nearer to give more weight to her statement. “He did more than that.”
“Like what?”
She laughed and leaned back again. “You really are very curious.” She said, and then considered for a moment. “But I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to tell you a story.”
“Sure, I love stories.” This meeting was becoming more interesting then I had expected.
“How much do you know about the doctor’s research?” She asked me.
“Just that he said he was researching a way to record things directly in the brain, so that you would know them without learning them.”
“That’s a really simple way to put it. But essentially correct.” She was already starting to sound earnest. “What he wanted to do was—- decipher how the brain stores information, and then find a way to duplicate it externally to be able to feed any information to the brain without using the sensory mechanism.”
“He was trying to do that since a long time.” I couldn’t help but quip.
“You think it’s an easy task?” She snarled. “He had most of the puzzle solved. If only he had some more resources, he could have done it.”
“How do you know?” I asked her.
She did not speak for a moment. “That’s what the story is about.”
“Great! Let’s hear it then.”
“Okay. Let’s say there was this brilliant researcher who thought he had found a way to record information in a brain directly, like a computer.”
“Dr. Lake?”
“Yes, Dr. Lake. He published a paper about the theory, and discussed it with some of the top scientists. They all believed it could be done…”
“I remember that time. He got some incredible reports in the press.” I said.
“They set him up. Gave him a lab. Hefty funding. He got to work immediately. In the beginning he made great progress. Unraveled some of the most perplexing mysteries of the brain.” She paused. “Who do you think gave us the cure for schizophrenia?”
“Dr. Lake?” That was news even to me.
“Yes, Dr. Lake. He was a very discreet man.”
“What happened then?”
“Well… years passed. He felt everyday that he was only a fraction away from achieving his true goal, but it always eluded him. Meanwhile, unmindful of all his contribution, his masters stopped the flow of the precious funding he needed. Do you remember how the press mocked him?”
I remembered that clearly. He was the victim of one of the worst smear campaigns carried out against an individual. The press had heralded his project as a glaring example of how public money was being wasted on research that went nowhere. Even the politicians who believed in his research abandoned him after that.
“He only needed another year. He tried everything from arguing to pleading, but they didn’t listen to him.”
“I am not surprised, people in power can never be moved by cajoling, they can be influenced only by power or public opinion and Dr. Lake had none right then.”
She tilted her head to a side as if considering whether she should compliment me for the observation or slap me for the insult, finally she decided on none and shrugged her shoulders instead.
“I guess you are right. I pity Dr. Lake. Poor. Poor Dr Lake.”
The expression of disappointment on her face was genuine.
“You must really believe that he could do it.”
“Believe in it? I KNOW he did it.”
“How?”
“Because I saw him do it.”
“You mean like real? How come he never told anybody?”
She settled back.
“That’s because he died the same day.”
I was shocked for a minute. If the woman was telling the truth the only way she knew something like that was if she murdered him. This was sounding more and more like the Philo Gubb book I was reading.
“No. Don’t panic. I didn’t kill him,” she said as if reading my thoughts.
I was not very convinced but I knew nothing better to do than sit tight and wait.
“You know, he really was successful in transferring information directly into the brain. But that information had to come from another brain. He could read the brain neurons like bits of silicon by making them fire up and yield their secrets, and then he could record the same information into another brain, neuron to neuron, each one a true copy of the original.”
“But why didn’t he publicize the findings?”
“Because of the side-effect.”
“What side-effect?” I demanded.
She looked at me intently as if trying to read me. “I have never told anybody. Yet.” She twiddled her fingers exaggerating her indecision. After a moment she stopped. “The side-effect Mr. Hot-shot-writer, was death. To fire up the neurons he had to run a special kind of current through them, very like the synaptic transmissions in the brain cells, but much, much more powerful.”
“Think of your brain as lump of stone and this triggering current would be like a tsunami the size of Godzilla’s mother! Big enough to drown the entire damn continent!” Her hands fell on the table with a wham.
“Result. The brain overloads and fries. The target has new information, but the source is finished.”
“That’s a damn strong side-effect.” I said, genuinely awed. “But if you saw him do it, then…?” I let the question hang.
She smiled and finished her coffee in one big swig. “Dr. Lake really believed he could find a way to make the job safe. But the world didn’t believe in him, so he decided to let someone else finish the job for him.”
The truth slowly started dawning on me.
“You say you saw him do it the day he died. And you’re here… Does that mean?”
Her smile got broader.
“I see Philo Gubb really has a big influence on you. Yes. Dr. Lake transferred all his information, his knowledge, his personality, everything he was, to someone else. Someone young. Someone with the necessary credentials. Someone who could pick up where he left and convince the world it can be done. Someone who could finish what he started.
“And that’s you?”
She rose from her chair laughing.
“But don’t tell anyone,” she said as she walked away still smiling.
When she reached the café’s door she turned around.
“Or they will think you’ve read too much of Philo Gubb.”
And then she was gone.

Scene 1: Bye Bye Mom & Dad

“Get the bags down quick Ram Bharose, we have to hit the highway by 6 or it’ll be too dark to drive peacefully.”

“I am coming Sahib.”

Mahak watched the drama with misery. Her parents were leaving for her cousin’s marriage in Patiala, and she couldn’t go because she had an exam the next day. ‘Typical high school treachery, they schedule the exams right when you need a holiday the most,’ thought Mahak wistfully. She’d be alone in her home for two complete days with Ram Bharose her servant, and Rocky her trusty dog.

Even Rocky knew something was up. He was sniffing the air and whimpering softly. He always knew it instinctively whenever the family was about to leave for a long time, and he never felt happy about it.

“Right princess. We’ve got to go now. Give dad a hug before we leave, will you.” Her dad was a real nice guy, submitting to her every demand. He’d be the one she’d miss the most for the next two days.

“Do you have to go Dad?” She asked in a sad whinny tone, the one she knew her dad could not resist succumbing to.

“I am afraid we have to. Rahul will be pretty upset if we don’t turn up. Do you want him on my case for the rest of my life? Give me a break hon, we’ll be back day after tomorrow, I promise.”

“I wish I could go Dad.”

“So do I Mahak, so do I. But you’ve got your test, and one should never neglect studies. I want you to study hard, and I promise you there will be a nice gift waiting for you if you get good marks. OK?” Her Dad enquired.

“OK Dad. Bye.” She said in a dead voice.

By now her mother had walked down to find out what was keeping Dad, and to say goodbye to Mahak.

“Goodbye honey. Take care.” Said her mother hugging her, as dad got back into the car.

“Make sure she’s comfortable Ram Bharose.”

“OK Sahib. You’ve never had a reason to complain all these years.”

“I know that Ram Bharose. I know I can trust you.”

“Bye bye Mahak.” Dad waved to her as he drove off.

Scene 2: Ram Bharose Defies Orders!

Mahak got into her home cursing her school, her cousin and every thing else on the god forsaken planet that had been responsible for the unfortunate condition.

“So they won’t take me with them huh! I will show them what this exam means to me.”

“Ram Bharose get my video game machine.” She yelled loudly for the servant.

“I am coming Little Miss, only a minute, just let me complete this work here.” Came a muffled voice from somewhere upstairs.

She sat down at the dining table near the kitchen, waiting for the servant to show up. He was there a minute later.

“What do you want Little Miss?” He asked.

“Have you gone deaf? Didn’t you hear me ask for my video game?” Yelled Mahak in her annoying high pitched voice.

If Ram Bharose was irritated, he didn’t let her see it. He was very good at masking his true feelings, speaking with the calm and unyielding tone of a person who was quite used to seeing tantrums.

“I am sorry Little Miss. I cannot get you the video game. Saheb has expressly asked me to make sure that nothing disturbs you from preparing for your exam tomorrow.”

She yelled again “I want my video game, I don’t care what Saheb told you. Get it now!”

“I am really very sorry for making you angry Little Miss, but Saheb will be very upset if he discovers this. I cannot get you the video game Little Miss, please forgive me.” Ram Bharose said quietly and walked out of the door, back to whatever that he was doing.

“Ram Bharose! How dare you?! I will kill you for this!” Mahak yelled loudly after him.

Mahak stamped her feet and banged her hands on the table in frustration. How dare he turn down her order. A mere servant. She would have him fired as soon as her dad returned.

She ran to her room and dropped on the bed sobbing with anger, Rocky followed her and tried to lick her face but she boxed his ears angrily. Even her dad had not dared to refuse her anything, and now the servant of the home. She lay there for half and hour, sulking and feeling bitter. Then finally she decided she had to do something, she wouldn’t be bossed around by Ram Bharose.

If he wouldn’t bring her the game, she’d get it herself, and she would send him to hell if he tried to stop her.

Her dad had hid the video game two weeks before the exam in a secret location. He thought she’d never find it. But Mahak knew right from the start where he had hid it. She had seen him put it on the top of the kitchen shelf, where he thought she couldn’t reach.

Scene 3: Uh Oh!

Mahak wiped her eyes and got into the kitchen. She looked at the shelf, it was too high for her.

‘Nothing that a table and a stool can’t solve,’ she thought.

Dragging the small center table from the drawing room to the kitchen was harder than she had expected, and even harder was putting that short stool on the table. She was breathing hard by the time she was sure that the stool was secure enough on the table for her to climb.

Slowly she climbed on the table and then on the stool, reaching for the highest shelf where her video game was. Opening the shelf she found a big aluminum box filled with rice. Her video game would be right behind it. She lifted the box with considerable effort, heaving to get it out of the small place, her tiny muscles taut with the effort of lifting the heavy box. Craning her neck she tried to look into the dark space when suddenly she heard a voice.

“Little Miss what are you doing here? If you fall Saheb will kill me.” Yelped Ram Bharose jumping up and down.

“Aaaiiieeeee.” She screamed at the top of her voice as the box slid out of her startled hands and hit Ram Bharose squarely on the back of his head. She saved herself from falling by grabbing the shelf door. When she finally got down she found Ram Bharose sprawled on the floor of the kitchen, unmoving, with rice strewn all around him.

“Uh oh!” She said and her hand went up to cover her mouth.

She knelt down to examine him closely.

“Wake up Ram Bharose! Wake up!” She shook his shoulders, but he didn’t move.

“Hello… Can you hear me? Ram Bharose!” She grabbed his head and shook him by the hair. All of a sudden her movements became still and she withdrew her hand slowly. She had felt something wet and warm on her fingers. She brought the hand closer to her eyes and drew a sharp breath in. It was blood. Fresh, warm, red blood on her fingers.

“Oh god, what have I done. I have killed Ram Bharose.”

She shook him some more to make sure he was dead, there was no reaction from the body.

Getting up she virtually ran around the kitchen in excitement and fear. “Dammit! What will dad say when he finds out.” Then she realized she had more than dad to fear. ‘All those movies. They hang the killers, and they beat them up, and they put them in jail,’ she thought.

Now she was truly terrified. “Oh god, please bring him back to life, I don’t want to go to jail.” She folded her hands, closed her eyes tight and prayed with all her might just as her parents her told her. “Look I am praying with all my heart, am I not? And true prayers are supposed to be answered. Help me please God!” She cried out.

“Help me god, help me god, help me god, help me god.” She repeated over and over like a stuck record player, but Ram Bharose lay as dead as ever. Suddenly she heard loud music. ‘Oh my! God, are you here?’ She thought and opened her eyes with a snap. The air before her was totally clear, no apparitions, no angels, no Jesus on a big throne. The music came again, more loudly this time, and she realized it was the doorbell.

‘Oh no!’ She thought. ‘Who could it be?’

“God, please don’t let it be the police.” She pleaded.

Cautiously she peered out of the curtain at the front door, and closed it back almost immediately. She had seen the outline of a man standing impatiently at the gate. The bell rang again and she peered out from the corner of the curtain. It was a tall lanky man with long hair.

‘Long hair!’ She thought. ‘Long hair! Why it’s Vaibhav Bhaiyya.’ Vaibhav was the son of Anita Masi, her maternal auntie. A real nice guy who was crazy about music. He was carrying a large black bag, and she was sure it contained his synthesizer keyboard, one of the few things he never traveled without.

“Oh no. This is not nice at all. Why the hell did Vaibhav Bhaiyya have to come right now of all the time in the world. What am I going to do?…What am I going to do?” Mahak spoke and thought rapidly.

“There’s no way I can tell him I killed Ram Bharose. OK. That’s it, Vhaibhav Bhaiyya should not see Ram Bharose’s dead body. I must hide him quickly.”

She ran to Ram Bharose’s body and tried to lift him from the ground. She couldn’t budge him even when she exerted every muscle in her tiny body.

‘Shit! Now what am I going to do?’ She though frantically.

She crossed over to the other side of the body and grabbed both of Ram Bharose’s legs tightly. Toiling hard she slowly dragged him out of the kitchen and into the living room. The door bell was ringing persistently now. She was afraid Vaibhav Bhaiyya would open the gate himself and find her dragging the dead body.

‘That would be terrible.’ She thought.

She strained her muscles harder and dragged the body behind the bed in the living room.

“There, this is a good hiding place. At least for a little while.”

Scene 4: At the gate

She almost ran out of the house to the front door and opened the gate.

“H… Hi Vaibhav Bhaiyya. What a surprise!”

“Mahak! Wow! Have you grown in the last two months? You don’t need to tell me you’ve been fine.”

“Uh… Ok.”

“Hey aren’t you going to let me in? Where’s uncle and auntie?”

Mahak suddenly realized she was blocking the way in, and rapidly moved out to let him in.

“They’ve gone for Rahul Bhaiyya’s Marriage.” She yelled after Vaibhav who was already making his way into the house.

“I knew that.” Said Vaibhav entering the door.

‘Shit! I hope I have hidden that body well.’ Thought Mahak. Closing the door quickly she ran after Vaibhav.”

Scene 5: Vaibhav is inside the house

Vaibhav has put the giant synthesizer on a bed to the side, and was standing before the giant air cooler he had switched on.

“Aaah…. What a relief after the hot walk outdoors.”

Mahak was stealing glances at the spot where she had hidden the dead body, she could see a small part of a hand she had neglected to tuck in properly. ‘Please god, don’t let Vaibhav Bhaiyya see it.” She prayed.

Vaibhav turned to look at Mahak. “So, uncle and auntie didn’t take you to the marriage did they?”

“Oh… Well, I had my exams, and…”

“It’s nice to see you’re here. I would have hated spending all of my time with Ram Bharose. Talking of Ram Bharose, will you ask him to get me a glass of water please?”

She thought frantically. “Uh… umm… Why didn’t you go to Rahul Bhaiyya’s marriage Vaibhav Bhaiyya?”

“I’ve got a concert here. No big deal, but there’s this band that’s sort of respected, and I am playing with them. It will be a nice break for me. I will make amends to Rahul later.”

“Oh. But I bet Rahul Bhaiyya will be really angry.” Mahak was trying her best to keep Vaibhav busy.

“Yeah, I know, but can’t help it. Can I?” Vaibhav looked around with a puzzled expression. “I can’t see Ram Bharose anywhere. In the past he has always brought me a cup of coffee by now.”

‘Dammit! There’s no way she could avoid such a direct question.’ She scrambled her brain for ideas.

“Err… umm…. Ram Bharose, well… he’s gone.”

“Gone? Did you send him somewhere?”

“No. Not really. He’s gone to his village.”

“What? To his village? Leaving you all alone? The scoundrel, I will give him a proper hiding when he comes back.” Vaibhav looked at her with a puzzled frown.

“Err.. I don’t think he’s coming back.”

“Really? Well, I am not going to give him a hiding in his own village then, the careless idiot. How could he leave a little girl all alone in the house.”

“Actually… I made him go?”

“You did? What for?”

“His wife! His wife died. He was crying all over the place. I told him to go. He said he would not come back, that he would have to take care of his parents.”

“Weird! And I thought Ram Bharose wasn’t married. Well… I guess I will have to make that coffee myself. Would you like some?” Vaibhav got up and started walking towards the kitchen.

“Uh… Yes… No! No!” She grabbed his hands and pulled him back.

“I’ll make coffee for you Bhaiyya, you stay here.”

“What? You’re offering to make Coffee for me Mahak? Is that really you inside this body?”

“I can be nice sometimes Bhaiya. You must be tired after the long journey.”

“Hmm… that I am. OK. Maybe I will let you make coffee for me this once.” He winked at Mahak.

Inspite of all that worry Mahak found herself smiling, Vaibhav had a special way that simply made you smile.

“OK. I will be right back.”

Mahak walked towards the kitchen acting as nonchalantly as possible, but her excitement was barely concealed. The kitchen floor was totally covered by the split rice which had spread around even more while she had struggled with Ram Bharose’s dead body. She quickly started scooping handfuls of rice and filling it back into the container. It would not take more than two minutes to clean the entire mess.

“Hey! What’s going on?” She gave a short yelp of surprise and looked at Vaibhav with big guilty eyes.

“A little jumpy are we? Sorry for frightening you. I thought maybe I should help you make coffee, but it looks you are busy with something else. How did the rice reach the floor.” Vhaibhav got down beside Mahak to help her.

“I was taking out something from the cupboard, and it just fell.” She was speaking truth, not maybe the whole truth, but truth nevertheless.

“Hmm… No wonder you didn’t want me to enter the kitchen.” Vaibhav grinned at her. They worked silently for a little while. Suddenly Vaibhav turned to her.

“Hey what’s this?”

She looked at the outstretched hand and felt pure terror. The forefingers were covered with a thick red coating.

“Some kind of red paint.” Said Vaibhav looking at it. “But what is it doing here?”

“Paint? What’s it doing on the floor?… I don’t think it’s paint.” Said Mahak, thinking fast.

“What could it be then?”

“Blo… err… I mean its the red substance that mother uses for tika. I think she put some in a wrapper in the rice box. I guess it must have fallen out with the rice.”

“Yeah, looks like it. But why is it wet?”

“Guess there must be water on the floor.”

“Hmm…” Vaibhav didn’t say anything more and wiped his hands on a towel.
“I’ll handle the rest of the cleaning don’t you worry Bhaiyya.” Mahak said quickly when he moved back to help her.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course. After all I split it.”

“You’re right. I guess I will leave you to it. Guess what? I am feeling a bit unclean after that long ride in the train. Maybe I will go and take a bath while you clean this mess.” Vaibhav said getting up.

“Great idea! You do that Bhaiyya.”

Vaibhav had already started walking towards the bathroom door, and he was heading right to the place where Mahak had hidden the dead body. Her heart missed two beats when she saw this. Quickly she rushed to him and grabbed his hand.

“No, no. Don’t go there!” Yelled Mahak with panic in her voice.

“Huh?” Vaibhav looked at her surprised. “What happened?”

“I… I mean the bathroom door is locked from the inside from this side. You won’t be able to get in. You’ll have to use the other door from the bedroom.”

“Oh! OK. Thanks for telling me. But why did you shout so loudly?”

“Did I shout?” She composed herself quickly. “I didn’t realize that. Guess I must be a little nervous because I spilled the rice.” She put on a fake smile.

“Hey it’s no big deal. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it. I am sure auntie won’t be angry.” Vaibhav patted her on the head.

“Uh… I guess so.”

“I am going to take my bath now, that coffee better be ready by the time I finish.” Vaibhav grinned again.

“OK. I will make it. Now go.” She lead him to the bedroom impatiently and half shoved him in.

Vaibhav got into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. Quickly Mahak came to the dead body and pulled it from behind the bed. She had to hide it somewhere safe, there’s no telling what would’ve happened if Vaibhav Bhaiyya had discovered the dead body.

Scene 6: Physics To The Rescue

She decided the best place to hide the body would be upstairs, where nobody ever went. She’d dump the body somewhere else when Vaibhav Bhaiyya went out for his program. Dragging the dead body was hard stuff. ‘Ram Bharose must weigh a ton.’ She thought. She was able to move Ram Bharose only an inch at a time, that too when she heaved with all her might. The journey from the bed to the staircase seemed to take forever.

Mahak looked at the staircase with dismay when she reached it. There’s no way she’d be able to haul so much weight up the stairs all by herself. She could hear Vaibhav sing loudly in the bathroom as he took his bath, he could come out anytime, she had to think fast. She looked around the room for ideas, then she looked outside and saw the car parked outside the door.

‘Eureka!’ She congratulated herself for her intelligence. ‘Studying physics in the school isn’t a waste of time after all,’ she thought.

Running quickly to the giant cupboard in the drawing room, she opened the drawer where she knew her mother kept what she needed. She picked a big coil of strong plastic rope that her mother used to dry clothes on, and ran back to the staircase.

Quickly she tied Both of Ram Bharose’s hands with one end of the rope. Making double sure that the bonds held fast. She picked the other end in her hands and ran up the stairs. Right next to the end of the first flight of the stairs was a giant window to the outside. She threw the other end of the rope outside the window to the floor near the car.

Running back down she tied the rope securely to the car, and ran back into the house. ‘Lucky my dad has two cars. Nothing would have saved me today if he didn’t.’ Thought Mahak as she grabbed the car keys from her dad’s drawer.

She had learnt a little bit of driving from Dad, even though he didn’t let her drive all by herself, she knew how to work the car. Getting into the front seat, she released the parking brakes and eased the keys into the ignition. The car roared to a life a second later. Mahak swiftly shifted gears to reverse and pressed the accelerator, the car dutifully moved back, pulling the rope along with it.

In another moment she was back inside the house and up the stairs. Ram Bharose had been pulled by the rope to the first floor, his body suspended half in the air and half on the railing of the top stair. Panic gave her strength beyond her feeble frame, and she somehow managed to drag him from his perch.

She untied the rope with trembling hands and dragged Ram Bharose. ‘Lucky we don’t live on the first floor, and this room is always deserted,’ she thought.

Slowly she dragged him to an empty bedroom, bare of all furniture and fixtures and parked him in a corner. Satisfied that he would be safe there for the time being, she quickly ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her, and rushing to untie the rope tied to the car. She had just enough time to throw the rope in the drawer as she heard the bathroom door open, and Vaibhav stepped out in a pair of jeans, buttoning up his shirt.

Scene 7: Explanation Time Again.

“What happened? I thought I heard the car start,” Vaibhav asked.

“The car? Oh… Ok.” Mahak fumbled around for words and then shut up when she found none.

Vaibhav raised his eyebrows expectantly, waiting for an answer or an explanation. When none came forth he raised his eyebrows even further, or at least that’s the impression Mahak got.

Delivering a performance that would put a trained actor to shame, Mahak successively changed her expression to that of puzzlement and then comprehension, as if she had just understood that Vaibhav was asking her something.

“Oh, the car! I started it.”

“Why? You wanna o go somewhere?”

“No, not really. Well.. Actually dad told me to do it.”

“Uncle told you? To start the car? Really? Now why would he do that?” Vaibhav looked at Mahak with squinted eyes, trying very hard to guess what mischief she was up to now.

“Something was wrong with it.”

“Wrong? With the car?”

“Well… Yeah, that’s why he didn’t take it. Don’t you know this is his favorite car. He takes it everywhere he goes. It was seizing up in the morning. So he took the other car and asked me to start it again later in the day and see if its fine.” Mahak was thinking and speaking really fast.

Vaibhav could have seen through the lie, unfortunately he never paid attention to anything else apart from his music. But he was aware of Mahak’s reputation as a brat, and was still puzzled.

“Well… OK if you say so.”

Mahak was relieved for the moment, making up lies to answer difficult questions was a special talent with her, it had saved her from mother’s temper several times.

Vaibhav stood there for some more moments then turned to look at the kitchen and back at her.

“You shouldn’t have done that you know.”

Mahak’s heart tried to jump out of her throat. “D…Done what?”

“Promised to make coffee for me if you didn’t mean to.”

“Huh…” was all she could say.

Scene 8: Troubled Sleep

It was the evening of the day, the few hours that had passed since Vaibhav’s arrival had felt like a few years to Mahak, but somehow she had survived without making Vaibhav overly suspicious and without spilling the beans herself.

In the noon Vaibhav had bought lunch from the nearby restaurant, and they had eaten in silence, or Vaibhav had eaten in silence. Mahak was too occupied with the events of the morning to concentrate on food and ate very little. After lunch she had managed to retire gracefully to her bedroom on the pretext of studying for the test the next day.

She lay in the bedroom now, with the lights turned off and the curtains closed. The semi-darkness had been oddly comforting to her. The true implications of what she had done had hit her by full force, and she had cried herself to sleep. She lay facing the ceiling, her eyes tightly shut , the tears that flew had dried and formed lines marking her cheeks like forming little gulleys. Her eyes were twitching, as if she was still dreaming of Ram Bharose’s dead body.

Scene 9: Rocky Discovers Ram Bharose

One of the more important jobs of Ram Bharose was feeding Rocky the family dog. Rocky had associated Ram Bharose with food and walks, and whenever he felt hunger pangs or needed a walk, he’d go and prod Ram Bharose with his nose until he submitted.

Right now Rocky was seething with anger as he searched for Ram Bharose. It was three PM and Ram Bharose had not fed him yet. This sort of behavior, Rocky felt, could not be tolerated. Firstly the mistress (his favorite person in the household) had left in the morning, and to add salt to the injury, a puny servant like Ram Bharose was neglecting his needs. He had made a resolve to give him a sound nip with his teeth when he found him.

Even though at eleven Rocky was growing old and his senses had begun to weaken, his nose was sharp enough to quickly pick up Ram Bharose’s trail. He sniffed his way to the bottom of the stairs, and then looked around in puzzlement as it suddenly vanished in thin air. It was as if Ram Bharose had flown away. Finally deciding that he could not stand there forever wondering what happened to Ram Bharose’s smell, he started climbing the stairs to go the first floor. He had already searched the entire ground floor already.

Capital! He found the smell again on the first floor, so the idiot had indeed flew to the first floor. He followed it eagerly, and his nose bumped right into Ram Bharose’s chest. This was an insult, he was hungry and the man was sleeping as if he had sold all the horses in the world. He prodded him softly, figuring that a bite would be more painful after Ram Bharose was fully awake. Ram Bharose did not even stir. He tried again. No response. He licked his face (Oh how Ram Bharose hated that), and no matter how much he licked, Ram Bharose did not move a muscle. This was not correct, he had to wake up if Rocky was to eat. He nipped him on the hand, biting a bit more forcefully when he still got no response. When nothing seemed to work he grabbed Ram Bharose’s trouser leg with his teeth and started dragging him inch by inch across the room.

Scene 10: Where Did Ram Bharose Go?

When Mahak woke up it was already four in the evening. She didn’t wake up in phases as we normally do, but with a start, like during a really bad nightmare it wouldn’t be unrealistic to expect that she was having one because her neck was wet with sweat, and she was breathing shallow.

Getting down from the bed quick she almost ran up the stairs to the room where she had hidden Ram Bharose’s body and got the jolt that she had somehow half expected. Ram Bharose was not where she had left him. Her first impulse was that Vaibhav had seen Ram Bharose and moved him. ‘No.’ Then she thought. ‘If he had found out he would have immediately asked me.’ She ruled it out. ‘How can a dead man disappear,’ she thought. Leaving the question unanswered she moved out of the room, searching for Ram Bharose, even though she herself knew how stupid it was to expect that whoever had found the body had kept it in the house.

The adjoining rooms were just as empty as the first, she was about to give up and go and ask Vaibhav when she heard a faint whimper from the outside balcony. The door to the balcony was open. She quickly ran out into it and in the corner saw Rocky who had by now realized that something was terribly wrong with Ram Bharose and was sadly licking his face trying to wake him up. Hearing Mahak he looked up and whimpered once more as if telling her that Ram Bharose wouldn’t wake, then he went back to licking his face.

Mahak suddenly broke down, she couldn’t control it any longer. Ram Bharose would never talk or move again, and she was to blame for that, she had actually murdered a human being. She slid to rocky and grasping him tightly she started to cry, her body quivering with her sobs.

Scene 11: Revelation.

She didn’t know how long she cried or what happened next, but when she woke up, she found herself back in her bedroom, rocky was on the bed with her. She had walked back in a daze and slept again, tired from all that crying. Her head was throbbing and she felt a painful crick in her neck from sleeping in an odd position for too long.

Sitting up she shook her head forcefully, straining to ease the crick. ‘That’s it.’ She thought. ‘I can’t hide it any longer. Sooner or later people will know, so why not now.’ Sleep had given her courage.

She decided to tell everything to Vaibhav and then let him do what he thinks fit. She walked out of the room, Rocky followed him automatically. Vaibhav was the dinner table, facing her, sitting with a coffee mug in his hands. Seeing Mahak he beamed.

“So the little princess is finally awake. Would you like some coffee?”

She managed to decline and sat before Vaibhav staring at him with sad, gloomy eyes. Vaibhav wiped the cheer off his face.

“Is something wrong?”

She hanged her head lower in response.

Vaibhav was getting worried, it was unlike Mahak to behave like this.

“Mahak?” He reached across to put a hand under her chin. “What’s is it? Tell me.”

“It’s Ram Bharose. He… He…” she sniffled.

Well read in cheap novels and sensational tabloids Vaibhav immediately reached a conclusion.

“What? Did he do something… I will kill that bastard with my own too hands.” His fingers clenched into a fist in anger.

Mahak understood what he meant and immediately looked up, “No… No… It’s not that.”

“Then? Are you missing him?” Asked Vaibhav.

At that very moment Rocky who had been peacefully sitting by Mahak’s chair gave a gleeful little yelp and ran towards the stairs. Mahak’s eyes went their, and the yelp she gave was nearer to shock and horror than glee. Vaibhav looked back and saw Ram Bharose groggily walking down the stairs holding his head. Immediately he ran to him and shook Ram Bharose by the neck.

You idiot, where the hell have you been? How dare you leave Mahak alone in the home?

Ram Bharose spoke, his teeth rattling because Vaibhav was still shaking him.

“I…I… don’t know Vaibhav Bhaiyya. I was telling Little Miss not to play with the video game when I suddenly saw bright colors and a lot of stars, and the next thing I know I was lying on the first floor balcony with a large bump on my head. I think I had become unconscious.”

“What? You mean your wife didn’t die?”

“What wife? I don’t have a wife Vhaibhav Bhaiyya.” Ram Bharose replied.

Vaibhav looked back with bewilderment at Mahak, and found her lying on the floor, her mouth open and her legs and hands stretched, Rocky was licking her face. Vaibhav rushed to get a glass of water. Questions could wait, he had to get her conscious first.

My seat in hell has been reserved .

Statuary Warning: If you are religious this piece is going to make you hopping mad. I am sure God is a good-humored guy, in fact, I bet he is reading it right now, and laughing uproariously. If you enjoy this, you are sick, and need to see a shrink. As for me, I claim insanity.”
——————————

It was another quite day in heaven. When Metamor requested audience God was in his parlor getting his big white beard and long hair bleached. God couldn’t turn down Metamor, even at an un-appropriate time like this, he was God’s favorite angel after all.

“Oh my god! I bow to you thrice,” said Metamor and exercised his supple back accordingly.

“What is it that demands such urgency Metamor. I hope you know, you will regret it later if this isn’t worth it,” said God in his booming voice (echo added by the Heavenly Audio Effects Inc.).

“Your holiness, I’ve finally thought of a completely new form of entertainment.”

“Really! You have. Have you? Tell me all about it,” said God, for he was sick and tired of the dancing fairy shows and all the other crap that the angels threw at him.

“It’s a totally new method God. I call it ‘The Reality Show’. I propose you create a creature that will be your pet. Just create a cage for it, and it’ll be happy playing around. You can watch it 24 hours secretly on your TV set. Won’t it be a nice diversion from the song and dance routine?”

“Hmmm… Let me think Metamor,” said God and he thought.

In a way Metamor was right. All those angels looked the same, there was no diversity, their dances lacked innovation and their jokes were all stale. Only Lucifer had been a bit original, but God had to exile him after he cracked some really dirty jokes about the head female angel.

“Damn those women libbers!” exclaimed God in anger.

So, God thought and thought. He thought for three days in a row, and finally decided what he wanted. He called Metamor and announced.

“Hey Metamor. I’ll create a pet, and this one is gonna be special.”

“How God?”

“I am going to give him the power of thinking, and I am going to make him un-predictable, and since I want to make a good looking thing, he’s gonna look like me.” God chuckled. “Now tell me. Ain’t I smart?”

“Errr… God, I don’t think that’s such a nice idea, can’t you create something that looks different?”

“Why Metamor?”

“Hmm… What if you don’t like it and decide to destroy it? If you create something that looks like you, the angels will naturally associate you with it, and if you destroy it later, they will think you aren’t so great after all. Secondly, how can something that looks like God be destroyed? You are supposed to be invulnerable.”

“I want this pet to look like me Metamor, and this is the way it is going to be. Don’t bug me anymore or I’ll turn you into a bug.”

“Errr… Sorry God. Don’t be upset, I was merely presenting my opinion.” Metamor withdrew hastily, apparently he didn’t relish the idea of being turned into a bug.

“Let there be light…” said God.

***

Adam sat on the boredom rock. He had been sitting there everyday since last one month. In fact he had spent so much time on it that his butt had started to shape itself according to the contours of the rock. (Granted it wasn’t as comfortable as a chair from Heavenly Seats Inc., but he hadn’t paid a cent.)

The rock was in a clearing in the forest, a beautiful and quite place, quite perfect to be bored in. Adam was infernally bored. Right! God had created all that stuff for him, the rivers, the sky, the animals and only God knows what more, but how long can one play with lions or listen to the music of mosquitoes. Adam had seen it all, done everything there was to do, there was nothing new in his life.

While Adam sat on the rock and thought, Metamor watched him from behind one of the bushes. His heart grew heavier with anxiety. If this continued God would be upset, he had created Eden so that he could watch Adam play around, and this jerk was sitting on a rock doing nothing.

“I don’t want a pet rock Metamor, I want a pet human. Make him do something. If he continues to sit on the rock like that, I am gonna hang your feathers in my trophy room.” God had threatened him this morning.

Metamor decided to talk to Adam. “Heh heh… Adam ol’ pal. What are you doing here bud? Why don’t you ride some Zebras, or climb Giraffe necks?”

Adam looked at him with his sad tired eyes and waved his hand to brush him away.

Metamor wasn’t going to give up, so he decided to use a different approach.

“Hey Adam. Tell me what’s wrong my friend. Do you have a headache? But that’s not possible. God hasn’t invented headache yet. What is it?”

Adam looked at him with his sad tired eyes again, and lifted his hand to brush him off once more.

“OK you dumb little nitwit, if you don’t tell me what’s wrong in next two seconds, I am gonna stuff this rock where the sun don’t shine,” Metamor shouted loudly.

Adam seemed to wake up suddenly. “Uh… I am sorry Metamor, wasn’t listening. What do you want?”

‘There! It always works,’ thought Metamor.

“Tell me what is wrong Adam my friend.” He went back to his nice and friendly tone.

“I don’t want to live anymore Metamor. It’s oh so boring. If God didn’t have the imagination to make the world interesting, who can you trust?”

‘Uh, oh. This is more dangerous than I thought. If God hears this he’s gonna have my hide.’ Thought Metamor and flew away before Adam could utter more blasphemy.

He was back in God’s palace in less than a minute (curtsy ‘Insta wings’: the latest innovation in air travel).

“Hey God! What’s going on? I got news for you.” He yelled loudly. As a favored angel one could afford to take some liberties.

“What is it Metamor, did you do something about Adam?”

“I found out what’s wrong.”

“You did? Wow. You are pretty smart for a twerp. Tell me all about it.”

“Adam is bored God.”

“Hmm… and what do you suggest.

“Come near me and I’ll tell you,” Metamor spread out his hands.

“What do you mean?” God said in an angry voice.

“Errr… Sorry, I meant I want to whisper in your ear.”

“Why whisper?”

“There’s a reader watching our conversation…Dummy.” The last word was added as an afterthought in a very low voice.

“Naah… I am not bringing my ear near your mouth, you spit while you speak. I don’t want spit in my ear.”

“Err…. OK, we’ll use the phone then.”

So, Metamor dialed God’s number (786 in case anyone’s wondering. What? Don’t believe me? Ok, ask the muslims.) on his all new Sony (Yeah! Why do you think they’re so rich? They’ve got God backing ‘em) phone and talked to God (curtsy Heaven Telecommunications).

“Hello! Is that God?”

“It’s me alright, we don’t get wrong numbers in Heaven you squirt. Now tell me your plan.”

“Psst…psst…psst…psst..” (This conversation could not be catalogued as there was disturbance in the line—Heaven Telecommunications blames it on the rains.)

***

Adam still sat on the rock. The sharp points in the hard rock were burning holes in his soft buns but it was the only diversion to the tremendous boredom, and he bore it with a grimace.

Suddenly he saw none other than God walking up to him. Getting up to his feet promptly, he greeted God with a really low bow.

“Hi Adam! How’s my little guy today.” God asked cheerfully.

“I am OK Boss.” Groaned Adam

“Cool! Guess what we are gonna do today?”

“I am not in a mood to play checkers again Boss.”

“Balderdash! We ain’t playing no game of checkers. Today, I am gonna make you a mate.”

“Err…. What is a mate Boss? I am quite happy as a man. Don’t wanna be a mate.”

“You Moron! I didn’t mean I am gonna turn you into a mate. I meant I will make a mate for you.”

“What do you do with a mate Boss? Is it another animal?”

“What do you do to a mate? Err… you mate with it. Hmm…OK. Here’s how you do it….”

(This conversation is censored due to liberal use of terms and references that are not appropriate for kids and dimwits like our reader.)

God told Adam all about the mate, and what to do with it. Adam’s eyes went wider as he listened to God, he didn’t even protest when God asked for one of Adam’s ribs to make the mate with.

Later, God presented the mate to Adam, and named her Eve for she was created in the evening.

***

God made the mate exactly like he promised he would, and Adam started to enjoy life once more. That was, until she started behaving oddly and Adam discovered God had forgotten to put brains in her.

She would get mysterious headaches at all the wrong times, but Metamor had said that a headache wasn’t possible in Heaven. Adam attributed this to the lack of brains in her head. (Now gals, we know it takes a mighty good amount of brains; not to mention acting talent, to pull that shtick off convincingly, but let’s not tell Adam that

So, Adam had to beg and grovel before Eve for little mercies (Do I really have to tell you what kind?). In the end she could deftly twist him all around her little finger. She made him wake up early each day, and he’d get her fruits and water and flowers and everything else she wanted. She sent him running after turkeys and chicken and made him clamber up tall trees for coconut water. Whenever she wanted anything, she just had to pout and stamp and Adam would rush to do her bidding.

Metamor was happy to see his plan work wonderfully. Adam was as obsessed with his mate as a fish is with water, but unfortunately his happiness didn’t last long. God was getting bored this time, he was sick and tired of the same old routine that Adam and Eve played every day. He wanted something different, and if Metamor couldn’t produce it, he’d have his feathers.

So Metamor thought and thought and thought. He thought so much that his head started spinning, his halo dimmed and he started seeing two of everything, but he didn’t stop thinking. Finally one day he got a big idea and rushed to tell God about it.

“God! Old boy here’s a capital idea that could solve your entertainment problem forever.”

“Really? Hmm… I feel you are onto something this time twerp. This is a tall claim, anything less than that and I use your skin as my living room carpet.” (Cleaning and mounting to be done by Angelic Tanneries Inc.)

“You won’t need to God. Here’s my plan. Introduce Chaos in Adam’s life.”

“Chaos? What is that?”

“Err… you wanted to make Adam unpredictable, but he didn’t turn out so unpredictable after all. So make his environment unpredictable, change everything around him so that he will have to struggle to live.”

“Hmm…. Are you trying to give God a bad name dunderhead? If I mistreat my subjects what will the Angels think?”

“I’ve thought about that too God. You can make Lucifer your secret agent and he’ll do all the dirty work for you. All you need to do is plant a tree. So what do you say God? All game… heh?

“OK. Let me hear the plan.”

Metamor whipped out his Sony and dialed God’s number.

“Psst..psst…psst.” (Yeah. We couldn’t hear the conversation again because of disturbance. This time Heaven Telecommunication says the Sun was too bright.)

“OK. It better work out twerp or you are gonna spend a long time on my floor.”

“Don’t remind me bugger.” Muttered Metamor under his breath.

So God planted the tree, and gave it a red fruit called Apple. Then acting on Metamor’s plan he called Adam and Eve, and expressly forbade them from eating the fruit from the apple tree on grounds that it would give them loose motion.

Metamor then went over to Lucifer’s place (God had given him a large township called Hell). He told Lucifer about the plan, Lucifer was too happy to co-operate, he was grateful to God for making him the king of such an excellent city.

One evening Lucifer disguised himself as a serpent and went to meet Eve.

“Sssssay Eve, Don’t you wisssh you had more control over Adam.”

“Sigh. I’d love that O speaking serpent, but Adam is very lazy.”

“I have a ssssolution, the Apple tree that you see in the yonder is actually a magic tree. If you eat half an Apple and then feed the resssst to Adam, he’ll do you your bidding forever.”

“Is that true?” Squealed Eve with delight.

“It’sssss assss true assss my love for you.” Said the snake and disappeared.

So Eve went to the tree and looked at the Apples. She remembered God’s orders but the sight of bright red Apples and the promise of making Adam do her bidding forever was too tempting to resist.

She broke an Apple from the branch and chomped. It was delicious, she was halfway through the apple in no time. With the other half she ran to where Adam was. (Naturally, she wore Goddidas jogging shoes for that extra bounce and speed.)

“Hey, Adam darling! My one and only love. (As if she had a choice.) Look at what I have brought for you.”

“What is it Eve baby?” Asked Adam cautiously, the extra affection in her voice made him a bit wary.

“It’s a fruit dear, and one that will make you wise.” Eve offered the fruit to Adam.

“Correction. It’s only half a fruit, and it looks like an Apple. Don’t you remember Boss told us not to eat Apples, it’s gives you loose motion.”

“Hey! I Ate half of it, but I am not rushing to the loo. God didn’t know better. It’s a great fruit, will make you feel real good.”

“But Eve…” The rest of the words were cut off as Eve stuffed the fruit in Adam’s mouth.

“Ungg….ufff…” He looked at her with pleading eyes.

“Eat it or I’ll develop a permanent headache.” Eve glowered at Adam threateningly.

That did it for Adam. Anything but that, he gulped down the apple in one go, but choked on it and some of it became lodged in his neck permanently. (He carried it for the rest of his life, they call it the ‘Adam’s apple’).

Metamor and God who were watching the whole drama unfold from behind the bushes chuckled and congratulated each other on the success of their plan.

Eve was starting to rush for a glass of water for Adam when the skies darkened with clouds and lightning and sounds of thunder rumbled the very ground.

Adam and Eve were terrified, but a bit relieved when they saw God striding towards them. Metamor was with him.

God looked at them, scowled, folded his hands to his chest and turned his head to the other direction.

Then Metamor started speaking.

“Adam & Eve. You have violated God’s orders, and God is very angry. He’s never gonna speak to you again. (that was actually because God cannot tell a lie). I am his official voice from now on. For your punishment God is exiling you from Heaven and is sending you to Earth, there all the animals and even the elements will turn against you. Adam, you will have to fight against them and shelter Eve for the rest of your life. God has also made you mortal and you will die after a short while and live in Hell thereafter, but as further punishment, a part of you will continue to live in your children that Eve will bear for you.”

“B..But…. Boss..” Adam tried to speak.

“No Buts. The decision has been taken and you will leave tonight. A special plane (God uses Air India—that explains all the crashes will take you to Earth.” Metamor delivered the verdict and they withdrew.

So Adam and Eve were sent to Earth where they fought with their animal friends, had children and died. Their children had more children, and the chain continued until Earth was totally covered with the progeny of Adam and Eve. Like Adam and Eve their children lead lives of struggle and fight. ‘Mighty entertaining,’ as God would say.

Meanwhile God watches from his Heaven. Thanks to so many options in people to watch God hasn’t been bored. Every time he gets tired of a person he shifts to a new individual, with a new crisis and problems. It’s so much fun for him.

Metamor is enjoying too. He occasionally makes an appearance on Earth as God’s voice. And once spent a pretty long time on the place masquerading as God’s son for a special show.

All is running fine and Metamor is happy, he worries a bit though for God is bound to get bored one day in spite of all the new characters and problems. When that day comes, God will want to end the show and start another. It will be end of Earth and Metamor would have to search for a new Idea. Metamor would have prayed that the day never comes, but it’s useless, for God isn’t listening. He’s too busy watching his ‘Reality show’.